So you have decided to elope with just the two of you. Hell yes 🤍

No crowd. No pressure. No one else’s expectations. Which means your ceremony gets to be just as intentional as the rest of your day.

If the idea of writing your own elopement ceremony without an officiant feels exciting and overwhelming at the same time, you are not alone. This guide walks you through how to create a ceremony script that feels natural, meaningful, and very much you without needing to perform, memorize a speech, or stress about getting it right.

Hey there, I’m Van! I am an elopement photographer and planner based in Washington, and I am there for these ceremonies as they actually happen. I have photographed and helped plan dozens and dozens of elopements where couples chose to write and lead their own ceremony, often without an officiant present. I have watched these moments unfold in real time, in the mountains, on the coast, and everywhere in between. What I have learned is that the most meaningful ceremonies are not the most polished ones. They are the ones that feel honest, comfortable, and true to the couple standing there.

What Is a Self-Guided Elopement Ceremony?

A self-guided ceremony (or self-uniting ceremony) is a wedding moment led entirely by the two of you - no formal officiant directing things, no script written for you, and no pressure to perform. It’s intentionally simple, deeply personal, and centered on your connection instead of tradition.

If you want an elopement ceremony script that feels like YOU, self-guided is the way to go. You decide what to say, how to exchange your vows, and the energy you want the moment to have. It might be on a mountaintop at sunrise, tucked into a quiet corner of the forest, or outside your cabin with your dog at your feet. What are you picturing for your day?

Legally, a self-guided ceremony is symbolic (your official paperwork is handled separately), but emotionally? It’s every bit as meaningful as any traditional wedding. It’s your marriage, your promises, your way.

If you’re looking to include the legal side of things, I’ve got a whole breakdown for you about legally eloping in Washington state!

How to Write Your Own Elopement Ceremony Script (5 Simple Steps)

Step 1: Choose Your Elopement Ceremony Vibe

Discuss your ceremony vibe together! What style are you aiming for? Whether it’s care-free and silly or more structured and to the point, get on the same page before anything else.

Step 2: Decide Which Elements to Include

Decide what elements you want to include in your ceremony script. No officiant means no rulebook! But a lot of couples will lean towards doing a few traditional things that really make it feel like a wedding, such as:

An intro: This could be a prompt to stop what you’re doing, take in your surroundings, and breathe. Or you could welcome each other to your elopement ceremony (or your dog!!).
Vows: The good stuff! Personalize these bad boys to make 'em uniquely yours.
Rings: If you plan to exchange rings, what do you want that step to look like? No wrong answers here!
Declaration of intent: Tell each other that you’re up for this wild ride and ask the other person if they are, too.
Pronouncement: The magic words that make it official!
Wrap things up: A way to end your ceremony that marks it as DONE! Most couples will kiss, but you don’t have to leave it at that.

(See more ideas and suggestions for each of these elements below)

Step 3: Write your personal vows

Pour your heart into your vows! Share stories, inside jokes, and promises you'll actually keep. Go on, get mushy – it's your day! I’ve seen couples put photos in their vow book to share with their partner during the ceremony. Handwritten, typed up and printed out, and straight from your phone are all solid options.

Need some inspiration? The Knot has 31 examples of real wedding ceremony vows so you can see how it’s done.

Step 4: Build the flow of your ceremony

Figure out the flow. Your ceremony, your order! Start with a “hey, you ready to do this?!”, swap rings, declare your love, and bam - you’re married! Make it flow like a Spotify playlist, just with more “I do’s.”

Step 5: Practice your ceremony script together

Practice makes perfect. Don’t be shy!! Rehearse this with your partner. You don’t have to read your vows to each other during your practice run, but do a run through of the script to make sure it feels right. And if you stumble a bit, who cares? It’s all part of the fun.

Get creative!

Need help planning your elopement? I’ve got something for you:

View my free guide

Elopement Ceremony Ideas for Each Part of Your Script

Now that we’ve got an overview of the steps to creating an elopement ceremony without an officiant, let’s get into some details! You get to be creative during this part, so I’ve got some inspo for you here.

Intro Ideas for your ceremony:

Slow down and savor your final moments of not being married
Sit with each other and take in the views
Give your dog some lovin’ to make them feel included
Share a quote or reading that means a lot to you
Kiss (because you totally can kiss anytime during an elopement, not just at the end)

Elopement vow ideas:

Highly, highly recommend starting these at least a couple of weeks before your big day. Even if you just jot down things you want to say in a note and piece it all together later, you’ll thank yourselves for starting early.
Talk about a favorite memory between the two of you or something that always makes them laugh
Tell your partner what you adore about them, whether it’s their personality, their quirks, or an inside joke between the two of you, make sure they know they’re loved
Make promises that you plan to keep
Be sure to slow down and read thoughtfully, mean what you say, and stop to look up at them
These can be a few lines or a few minutes! Check in with your partner as you’re writing them (ahead of time, right?) and try to roughly match each other’s length.

Tips for writing heartfelt vows from an Expert:

If you’re looking for extra guidance on writing your own vows, my friend Cherise Klosner of Another One Ties the Knot has some fantastic tips for crafting heartfelt, personal words that truly capture your relationship.

“As a professional wedding officiant I have had the privilege of listening to hundreds of couples share their personal vows. Some tear jerking, some funny, and, if I’m being honest, some that were questionable. When I’m advising my couples on how to write their personal vows I like to keep it simple:

1. Keep it light, but keep it kind

The ceremony portion of the wedding day is an emotional moment and, with that, it can also be nerve-wracking. A touch of humor can go a long way in calming nerves and highlighting personalities. Sharing an inside joke or a funny story can lighten the moment, but be compassionate and avoid sharing anything that may be at your partner’s expense. The goal is to see that smile you love so much, not to embarrass them.

2. Share a moment that is etched in your heart

This is your chance to highlight why you love your partner so much. Share a moment when you truly felt seen and supported by them. Maybe it was a grand gesture or even something small that left an indelible mark on your heart.

3. Keep your promises realistic

We all want to give the love of our life the world, but if we’re honest with ourselves, that just isn’t possible. Be careful to avoid absolutes such as always and never. Love isn’t perfect, and neither are humans. Instead, vow to keep trying, to be authentic, to be a good listener, and to offer yourself wholeheartedly and with grace. Leave room for compassion, human error, and the ability to continue learning.

And no matter what you say, end with the words that started it all… “I love you.” Because at the end of the day, those three words will always be the most important vows of all.”

Ring Exchange ideas:

Individual ring boxes that you keep in a pocket or set near your ceremony site until they’re needed
Keep the rings in someone’s pocket
Tie both rings to your dog’s collar to include them
Share one ring box (like this cool glass one!)
If you’re having guests, designate one or two people to hang on to the rings until the ceremony.
Send both rings around to every guest - this is called a ring warming!

Declaration of intent Ideas:

This is one that a lot of couples aren’t sure about! A declaration of intent is when you formally say that you take your partner for life. Old school verbiage is something along the lines of “X, do you take X to be your wife/husband/partner/spouse, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health” etc. But because it’s just the two of you, you’ll be asking each other directly! AND you can share any kind of promises or support in this part, it doesn’t have to be traditional. “X, do you take me to be your wife/husband/partner/spouse, through thick and thin, in the great times and in the not-so-great times” etc. See example scripts below!

Pronouncement & kiss:

A simple “we’re married!!!” is perfect! Followed by a smooch, of course.
“Ready to do this?!” ANDDDDD… kiss!
Kiss and pop champagne (with glasses at the ready)
Kiss and put on your favorite song to dance to - a slow, meaningful song like a first dance OR your fave song to scream together

Elopement Ceremony Script Examples (No Officiant Needed!)

Script example for a private elopement (No Guests)

Intro

Take a deep breath together while holding hands. Look all around you and take in the moment together. Point out things that catch your eye. Look at each other for as long as you like.

Partner 1: “Are you ready to do this with me?”

Partner 2: “HELL YEAH I AM”

Vows

Partner 1: Read personal vows

Partner 2: Read personal vows

Rings

Place each ring on your partner’s left ring finger.

Declaration of intent

Partner 1: “X, do you take me to be your wife/husband/partner/spouse? Do you promise to love and adore me? To share your life and your dreams with me? Share the good times and achievements as well as the hard times and disappointments with me? To keep me in sickness and in sorrow, in health and in joy, and be loyal to me from here on out?”

Partner 2: “I do! “X, do you take me to be your wife/husband/partner/spouse? Do you promise to love and adore me? To share your life and your dreams with me? Share the good times and achievements as well as the hard times and disappointments with me? To keep me in sickness and in sorrow, in health and in joy, and be loyal to me from here on out?”

Partner 1: “I do!”

Pronouncement and kiss

Partner 1 and 2: “Ready to do this with me?” Seal your ceremony with a kiss!

Script Example for an Elopement with Guests

Intro

Hold hands and face each other. Deep breath!

Partner 1 or 2: “Thank you all for making the journey here with us. We couldn’t see ourselves doing this without you here, and we’re so grateful you get to witness this chapter of our lives beginning.”

Vows

Partner 1: Read personal vows

Partner 2: Read personal vows

Rings:

Loved one takes rings and passes them around to each guest, where they can hold the rings in their hands for a few moments before passing them on. Then hand each ring off to Partner 1 and Partner 2 to exchange and place on their left ring finger.

Declaration of intent

Partner 1: “X, do you take me to be your wife/husband/partner/spouse? Do you promise to love me through thick and thin, to play together and laugh together, to fill my heart and feed my soul? To always seek out the best in me? To always give me your unwavering support and above all else, the freedom to be myself?”

Partner 2: “I do! “X, do you take me to be your wife/husband/partner/spouse? Do you promise to love me through thick and thin, to play together and laugh together, to fill my heart and feed my soul? To always seek out the best in me? To always give me your unwavering support and above all else, the freedom to be myself?”

Partner 1: “I do!”

Pronouncement and kiss

Partner 1 and 2: “Let’s do this!” Seal your ceremony with a kiss, followed by a hug from each guest or pop some Leave No Trace friendly strea m ers while you walk back down the “aisle” together, hand in hand.

Pro tip: there are tons of ways you can include your family in your elopement ceremony without having them physically there! Have them write letters of well-wishes for you to read on the elopement day, create a group chat to share updates and photos, or even have your guests record digital toasts that you can watch together after the day is done.

Unity Ceremony Ideas for your Elopement

You could go with the standard elopement ceremony parts that I just showed you, but you could also add something meaningful into the middle of the ceremony that really feels like YOU. This helps you to slow down, be intentional with your elopement ceremony, and fully infuse your ceremony with things you love.

Traditional weddings call this a unity ceremony and could be anything from pouring sand to lighting a candle, but what if I told you it doesn’t have to be something that you’d see at a traditional wedding?

Unity ceremony ideas:

Handfasting - a Celtic tradition that binds you together with cord, ribbon, or rope
Do a shot! Whether you have your own flasks or bring shot glasses with, pick your favorite drink and go for it
Play a song for your new spouse - bring a guitar and sing to them or sing together
Exchange gifts
Have guests not in attendance send you videos to watch or letters to read through that offer support, advice, and encouragement
Take a selfie - yep, even if your photographer is there taking photos, there’s nothing quite like the first selfie as a married couple!
Create an anniversary box - this is a box that you’ll seal letters for your future selves in, plus something like wine, photos, or other keepsakes. Then shut it and open on your first wedding anniversary!
Smoke a joint together - check with local regulations to ensure it’s permitted. Most national parks don’t allow marijuana use within park boundaries, even if it’s legal in the state you’re eloping in.

When You Should Hire an Officiant Instead

If you’ve read through this and realized it feels like too much or that you can’t seem to get it just right, hire a pro. They’ll typically get to know you as a couple and learn about your relationship, figure out what kind of ceremony vibe you’re going for, write up a script for you to approve, give tips on writing your own vows, and so much more.

Some officiants that will do an amazing job:

Another One Ties the Knot (BIPOC and woman-owned) https://www.anotheronetiestheknot.com/ (read her vow-writing tips above!)
Outshined Photography (woman-owned) https://www.outshinedphotography.com/elopement-packages/elopement-officiating-services/
Officiant Jimmie (BIPOC-owned) https://www.instagram.com/officiantjimmie/
Officiant Grace (woman-owned) https://www.officiantgrace.com/
Best Day Ever Officiant https://bestdayeverofficiant.com/
Hillary Lundberg (woman-owned) https://www.hillaryweddingofficiant.com/
Leslie Sundquist (woman-owned) https://lesliesundquist.wixsite.com/elopementofficiant

Frequently Asked Questions About Eloping Without an Officiant

You know I’ve got you ⬇️

Is a self-led ceremony legal?

Yes! The ceremony itself can be fully self-led. But the legal portion of getting married still requires an authorized officiant and two witnesses to sign your Washington marriage license. Many couples do the legal signing before or after their adventure so their ceremony can stay completely self-led and intimate.

Check out my guide on how to get legally married in Washington state to make sure your paperwork is all set before your ceremony.

Why would couples choose a self-led ceremony?

Couples choose this style when they want their elopement to feel more intimate, private, and personal. Without an officiant directing things, you get space to slow down, be yourselves, and create a ceremony that feels like a conversation instead of a performance.

How long should a self-led elopement ceremony be?

Anywhere from 5 to 20 minutes is normal. Most couples keep it short, meaningful, and intentional with vows, rings, and a moment to breathe together. You can also include readings, music, or a simple unity activity if it feels right.

Do we have to follow a specific structure?

Nope! That’s the beauty of a self-led ceremony. You can follow a loose script, use an outline like the one in this guide, or completely freestyle it. There’s no wrong order and no required wording as long as the legal components are handled.

What if we get nervous leading our own ceremony?

This is super common! Practicing the flow once or twice helps, even if you save your vows for the real moment. You can also keep a printed script, share prompt notes, or use a simple three-part structure (intro → vows → rings) to stay relaxed.

Can guests be part of a self-led ceremony?

Absolutely. Even with guests, you can lead the ceremony yourselves. Guests can read letters, pass the rings for a warming, or simply witness the moment while you guide the flow.

Can we still hire an officiant even if we want a personal ceremony?

Totally. Some couples hire an officiant who specializes in adventure elopements so they can enjoy a custom script without doing all the planning themselves. This still allows you to keep a “just us” feel.

What should we bring to our ceremony?

Most couples bring:

Their vow books or notes on a phone
Rings (in a box, pocket, or tied to a pet’s collar)
A printed script or bullet points
A meaningful item for a unity moment (optional)
Attire to stay comfortable no matter the weather

How do we include our dog in a self-led ceremony?

You can include them in the intro, give them love before vows, tie your rings to their collar, or have them stand between you. Dogs bring a joyful, grounding energy, and they photograph beautifully during the ceremony. If you have the option to bring your dog to your elopement ceremony, I say go for it!

Capture Your Self-Led Elopement

Ready to make your self-led elopement unforgettable? I’ll be there to capture every laugh, every tear, and every adventurous moment - from your heartfelt vows to your celebratory kiss (and yes, your pup too!). Check out my elopement photography packages and let’s create photos that feel just as personal, fun, and unforgettable as your ceremony. Your perfect self-led elopement deserves memories you can relive forever.

Creating The Perfect Elopement Ceremony Script Without an Officiant